托福写作次次27+？扫清文中的逻辑障碍是关键

写作逻辑的严谨性、清晰性和可理解性在托福写作考试的评分中不容忽视，逻辑不清楚或逻辑论证不足都是极其典型的扣分点，甚至严重一点，如果学生审题直接失误，写作方向自然也会与考官预计的截然不同，那么整篇文章都会是一个败笔，这毫无疑问是很严重的问题。

托福写作一向是逻辑先行、语言随后，在写作之前务必对整篇文章的大布局、段落分论点、段落的展开方向有一个比较清晰的认知，不可以骑驴找马走一步是一步，先保证审题正确，然后确保论点不跑偏、论据细节正确且充足，这样才能保证可以写成一篇相对不错的托福作文。

下面，我们就结合学生习作来分析一下学生在写作时常见的逻辑障碍：

学生习作：

Parents today are more involved in their children's education than parents were in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays people are earning more and more money than before, and parents are inclined to sent their children to really good schools for education. Some parents even spent a large sum of money in making their children to study abroad in very famous colleges. So many persons believe that parents these years are more involved in their children’s education than in the old days when people do not have a lot of money. But other people have questions about this thinking. They think that parents in the past are also paying much attention to their children’s study. They often force their kids to study hard, and they also work hard to earn money to send children to better schools. Well, about this question, I have to say that parents in the new society are more greatly involved in their children’s study. 

To begin, all the economy advances we achieved during the past contributes to the change. On one hand, parents nowadays have more money disposal, so they can invest more on the education of their children. Thirty years ago, the income of the whole family were just enough to buy the daily necessity, so even if parents wanted to pay for the extra study, it was impossible. On the other hand, prosperous economy means parents do not need to work all the time in order to earn enough money to support their families. They are able to have a lot of holidays so that they can spend more time concern about the education of their children or even teach their children study themselves.

In the second place, it is due to the ‘single child’ policy is introduced by the government. This policy makes parents be more actively involved in their children’s education than they were in the past possible. With only one child in each family, parents expect the child to reach a high level in academics, they put more attention to their education. Thirty years ago, if one child do not want to go to school, his parents might agree with him because there are other children who do not want to study well. But nowadays, because this child is the only hope of the family in the future, so nearly all parents would force their child to work hard.

Last but not least, modern society values education more than before. The more developed the society is, the more important education is for this society. Here is an example of my parents. They value education so much that they get up early and cook for me everyday just in order to give me enough time to study so I can concentrate the classes. But in the past, as my mother told me, my grandpa and grandma never did such thing for her because they did not realize the importance of education. It did not really matter whether you can concentrate on the classes.

In summary, I do believe that parents in modern society involves more in the education of their children because of the development of economy, the government’s policy and the changes society outlook.

那么这篇学生习作中存在哪些严重的逻辑问题呢？

一、逻辑思维受限，论证细节不足

我们首先细读文章的主体段：

“To begin, all the economy advances we achieved during the past contributes to the change. On one hand, parents nowadays have more money disposal, so they can invest more on the education of their children. Thirty years ago, the income of the whole family were just enough to buy the daily necessity, so even if parents wanted to pay for the extra study, it was impossible. On the other hand, prosperous economy means parents do not need to work all the time in order to earn enough money to support their families. They are able to have a lot of holidays so that they can spend more time concern about the education of their children or even teach their children study themselves. ”

该篇作文的题目是 “Parents today are more involved in their children's education than parents were in the past. 现在的父母比过去的父母更多地参与到其子女的教育中，这一命题是否成立。”

针对这一话题，该生选择的是正面同意的立场，主题段选择的支撑点是从经济发展角度出发，强调今时今日的经济发展远胜从前，今日的父母经济实力远胜过去的父母，从而一方面能够加大对子女教育的投入力度，另一方面经济实力的增强也使得父母可以有更多的闲暇时间参与子女教育。

这两个小分点毫无疑问从逻辑上来说是可以立住脚的，但该生在本段犯了一个很大的错误：说理不到位、论据细节不充足，虽然分论点摆出来来，但却没有对自身分论点的合理性做充足的论证支撑，这一点在写作考试中无疑是一大失败。

比如小分点 “On one hand, parents nowadays have more money disposal, so they can invest more on the education of their children. 经济发展了，父母可支配收入增加了，因此可以投资更多钱在子女教育上了。” 该生紧随其后也比较了过去如父母这方面的经济能力：Thirty years ago, the income of the whole family were just enough to buy the daily necessity, so even if parents wanted to pay for the extra study, it was impossible. 

但问题是这番对比并没有直接和题干的关键信息 the increased parental involvement in children’s education from modern parents 产生逻辑关系，现在父母比过去父母可以花更多钱在子女教育上就一定能证明现在父母参与度对子女教育参与度更高吗？其实不然。因此这一小分点上学生的论证链条其实是很不充分的，能做一定补充，如加上如下细节和题干联系起来：

On one hand, parents nowadays have more money fully at their own disposal, so they can invest more in the education of their children. And then it’s quite human nature to expect a high return for a heavy investment. Therefore, parents in the modern society will definitely be willing to play an active role in their children’s education. Yet things in the past were quite different. Thirty years ago, the income of the whole family was just enough to cover the daily necessities, so even if parents wanted to send their kids to school for high-quality education, it was financially impossible for them to fulfill this goal. Therefore, they didn’t have to and also were unable to get actively involved in children’s education in their days. 

此外这段还有一个很典型的问题，学生列举了两个小分点来支撑该段的分论点，段内并列的论证方式是可取的，但这一段却是比较失败，因为两个小分点该生都没能进行比较到位的论证支撑，因此可以给出的建议就是学生选择其中一个小分点展开论证，结合道理论证和举例论证，对小分点进行比较具体的可行的逻辑解释，

如个点可以强调：

Economic advancements and increased familial income lead to heavier investment in children’s education among modern parents. Parents looking forward to high returns from their heavy investments shall out of question be willing to get actively involved in their kids’ education.

第二个点可以强调：

Improved financial situation in modern times has eliminated the possibility for parents to toil around the clock so as to support their family, and allows them more free time to take care of their kids. 

两个小分点选取一个进行充分解释，不失为一个更好的选择。

二、逻辑论证链条混乱

下面我们来看文章的第三个主体段。

Last but not least, modern society values education more than before. The more developed the society is, the more important education is for this society. Here is an example of my parents. They value education so much that they get up early and cook for me everyday just in order to give me enough time to study so I can concentrate the classes. But in the past, as my mother told me, my grandpa and grandma never did such thing for her because they did not realize the importance of education. It did not really matter whether you can concentrate on the classes.

这一段学生给出的分论点是 “modern society values education more than before. 和过去相比，现代社会更重视教育 ”，论点很切题。后面论证内容用的是对比论证，把现在自己上学的经历和过去妈妈上学经历进行比较：现在，我的父母很重视教育，所以他们每天早起给我做饭，让我有足够的时间去专心学习。在过去，外公外婆却没有为妈妈做过这样的事情，因为他们没有重视教育，他们觉得专心上学并不是很重要。

对比论证，尤其是今昔对比，是一个非常好用的论证方式，很大程度上能帮我们把一个复杂的事情解释清楚。但是，该段对比过去和现在父母对教育重视程度时逻辑不是很完善，对比式段落展开时，一般是昔【原因 — 结果】but 今【原因 — 结果】这种框架结构。

而该生并没有遵循这样的框架，现在过去对教育的重视程度不同是什么原因完全没有提到，只是写到妈妈每天早起给我做早饭，这个不是原因，只是重视教育的一种表现。而对于过去外公外婆对教育的态度方面，只说他们没有为妈妈早起做饭，是对前面 “现在” 论证内容的一种重复，并没有给出更有说服力的内容。最后一句话， It did not really matter whether you can concentrate on the classes. 是对前面外公外婆认为教育不重要的一种重复，但是对于为什么不重视，依旧没有给出原因。

建议的逻辑框架是：过去，教育对于人们的生活和工作影响不是很大，不读书直接务农或打工是很理所当然的选择，读书与否根本不重要，因此父母几乎一点也不重视子女教育问题；但现在不一样，现代社会职场竞争愈演愈烈，一个好的文凭和的能力毫无疑问已成为人们找到好工作、过上幸福生活的必备条件，父母因此对于子女教育也倾注了更多心力。

参考的写法是：

Here is an example of my parents. For a long time they have been harboring this wish that I can someday work my way into one of the most prestigious universities in my country or even around the world. And this is because having an advantageous academic background can help lead people into a more promising career and a happier life. So, in order to fulfill this goal, my parents have been dedicating almost all of their free time to my education. However exhausted they may be after a long day’s work, they still insist on sparing some time to help me with my academic study. But things were quite different in the past. In those days, people didn’t really give much concern for receiving school education because being educated or not mattered very little to their life. Most of them would simply choose to follow the footprint of their fathers and become a farmer. Therefore parents at that time 

were not really concerned about their children’s education. 

逻辑的完整与否决定了考官是否能读得下去，是否能读得明白。提升逻辑论证的完整性需要在掌握论证方法的前提下，不断去练习，尝试让自己每句话都说得有逻辑。平时在日常沟通的时候，也尝试让自己的表达条理清晰有逻辑。

写好一篇作文并非一朝一夕之功，但是清楚写作常见错误以及正确的方法策略肯定可以帮助学生更好地备战这门考试，对其取得高分自然也会有诸多帮助。总而言之，要想写好一篇作文，务必做到逻辑明晰，如此才有可能写出一篇比较体面的托福作文。