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环保类雅思大作文范文分析:拒绝动物制品

作者:沈阳新航道 2022-02-14 10:15
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2019年11月30日大陆地区雅思写作大作文:


In modern world,it is no longer necessary to use animals for foods or use animal products,for instance,clothing and medicines.To what extent do you agree or disagree?


翻译:在当今社会,人们已经不需要再捕食动物或者使用动物制品如衣服或是药物,你是否同意?


要点:


1)这是一篇同意与否(agree or disagree)类型的文章,因此你需要在开头表态,中间主体段支撑自己的观点,结尾重述观点。


2)核心的“动物”,探讨人类是否可以和动物和谐相处,不再需要食用或使用动物制品。概括一下就是人类是否不再需要use animals for food,clothing or medicine,你需要在文中提及所有三个侧面。


3)关于同意与否文章是否要提及反方观点(既是否要mention both sides):理论上agree or disagree文章中,你可以不提及反方观点,但是仍然建议你简要提及反方观点,也就是俗称的写一个让步段,这样可以帮助展示你论证的公平性,展示出你是充分综合的考虑了双边观点后做出的选择(It is good to briefly mention the side you disagree with to show some balance in your argument.)


范文分析:


The exploitation of animals has been an unavoidable aspect of human life for most of our history.We have raised and hunted(注意思考:此处为什么用完成时?-因为作者想表述的是过去发生的,持续到现在的一个行为,在很多雅思写作题目中,描述一个持续很久的社会现象时我们都需要使用现在完成时)animals for food,used their fur and skin for protection from the elements,and even used their body parts for their supposed medicinal benefits.However,as society advances,we need to consider our effect on other living things,and it seems that we should try to limit or even eliminate(作者观点给出:同意-应该减少甚至停止使用动物)our reliance on animal products.


(注:此高分范文的开头段偏长,大家在实际练习和考试时不必写这么长的开头,直接引入句+观点句即可)


Like all living things,humans need a source of food and protection from the surrounding environment.When we lived as hunter-gatherers and in early agricultural societies,animals were an essential part in our survival,providing us with protein and keeping us warm.Conversely,in a modern context there is minimal need(极少需要,很少需要,no longer need的改写)for this.We can get adequate nutrition(充足的营养)from vegetarian sources and food scientists are developing lab-grown meat that will soon be indistinguishable from(难以分辨,几乎一样)real meat.When we add in the suffering that animals experience in factory farms or in battery cages and the devastating environmental effects of intensive farming,it seems extremely difficult to justify using animals for meat and clothing.


(今昔对比-过去捕猎和农耕社会需要,现今蔬菜和实验室肉品可以提供充足的营养--农场,工厂的环境极其恶劣,对动物而言很残忍–本段在论证food and clothing)


The other major use of animals has been in medicine.Before the advent of modern medical science,people relied on traditional doctors who often used various animal parts to allegedly cure different maladies(病,疾病,diseases的同义替换,雅思阅读文章中也有出现,请背诵).Nevertheless,we now live in a brighter world where we not only have better alternatives,but we can demonstrate that these traditional animal-derived treatments are absolutely ineffective.Users and promoters of these types of medicine highlight the worst aspects of human nature as their stubbornness and selfishness(倔强固执和自私)leads to the extinction of(消灭,消失)many of the most majestic animals that have ever walked the earth.


(今昔对比:过去需要使用-现在有替代方法,而且传统的动物疗法不是很有用-另外人类自私固执的用动物会导致动物灭绝-本段在论证medicine)


Broadly speaking,in a historical context,the use of animals as a food,clothing,and medicine seems understandable.However,in a supposedly enlightened modern society such practices highlight that many of us still think and act like we are nothing more than hairless apes.


(结尾重述观点,迎合上文论证,依然给出了今昔对比的一个总结+观点陈述)


Source:from IELTS UNLOCKED


注:本文的优势在于1)其通篇的逻辑连贯性非常强,今昔对比贯穿始终,非常精彩,对于科技改变生活类话题类的文章,以及题目中含有In modern world,in modern era…这类时间词的文章中推荐使用今昔对比,2)本文的词汇丰富且词汇搭配准确地道,使用了a wide range of high level vocabulary 3)自始至终观点统一,紧扣主题,food,clothing,medicine都有提及当然本文也有一定的局限性1)字数过多,很多考生在考场上没有时间写出这么多来,也不推荐写这么多字,大家控制字数在270-290最理想2)没有让步段,本文可去除农场,工厂的环境极其恶劣,对动物而言很残忍,以及人类自私固执的用动物会导致动物灭绝这两个分论点,增添一个让步段


好词:


exploitation:开发,利用the use of something in order to get an advantage from it–我们可以用这个词去表示开发利用自然资源,开发利用动物,甚至人,比如the exploitation of slaves/the exploitation of natural forests


reliance:名词-依靠依赖常见搭配:介词-reliance on/upon动词-place/increase/reduce reliance on sth.例如:place too much reliance on fast food/reduce reliance on using mobile phones


alternative:这个词你一定要背诵哦,在我们写作中非常好用,其有两个词性,我们先来看其名词用法:可供选择的事物,可供选择的解决办法-例an alternative to coffee-比如:在写作中比如在线教育替代传统教育,你就可以写on-line education is an alternative to traditional education.其第二个词性为形容词:可供替代的,可选择的(方法或者计划)-比如有一道写作题目探讨是否应该使用动物做药品实验,我们就可以写“要用,因为没有其他方法了”那么就是alternative method


好句:


When we lived as hunter-gatherers and in early agricultural societies,animals were an essential part in our survival,providing us with protein and keeping us warm.


句型提炼:…is an essential part in…,分词表示其作用


例:食物帮助我们提供生存必须的能量


Food is an essential part in our survival,providing us with energy and keeping us warm.


这项技能对成功至关重要,帮助解决各种问题。


The skill is essential to our success,ensuring us to solve different problems.


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